Unanswered Prayers

Have you ever heard that Garth Brooks song, "Unanswered Prayers"?

The chorus goes like this:

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.

Remember when you're talking to the man upstairs,

Just because he may not answer

Doesn't mean he don't care. 

Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

You know, I always liked that song. 

Our preacher talked to us about the power of prayer today. It really got me to thinking and remembering.

I want to share something that is hard for me to admit now.

Lila was born at 11:19 am on December 17, 2011. Late that night when everyone was gone and Chase and Lila were peacefully sleeping, I had a few hours with God.

They were not my best hours. I was desperate, angry, confused and I felt so discouraged. 

I prayed to God. I bargained and I begged.

You see, that morning, the pediatrician said she thought Lila had a 60% chance of having DS but she wouldn't know for sure until we received the blood work in two weeks. 

To me, all I heard was that she had a 40% chance of being typical (or as I would have said then, normal).

We didn't find out about Lila's heart defect until the next day, that made the certainty of a DS diagnosis increase. 

But that first night, when I heard 60% chance, I thought I could reason with God.

Even though I knew the moment I saw her that she had DS. I thought that I could convince God to take it away. 

I have never felt more desperate than in the late hours of that night. I begged God. I tried to offer him things. "Please God, if you make it go away, I'll be more devoted, I'll do anything, please. Can't you make there be something wrong with me? Just not her, God, not my baby." I remember saying, "please, not my baby" about a hundred times.

It was a sad and pitiful moment in my life. I felt let down, as if I had done something wrong. "Why us? Why my baby? It's not fair. What did I do to deserve this? Oh, my poor baby. The world is so cruel. Oh, my poor Layla, it will be hard to have a sibling with special needs. Please God, not my baby, not us. We can't do this."

And today, I thought back on that moment. I wish I could go back and give myself some reassurance. 

Garth said it right.

Thank you God for unanswered prayers. 

All along He knew what Down syndrome would do for us. He knew that we could do this. My unanswered prayer turned out to be a unbelievable blessing. 

He saw my struggle. He heard my cries. He answered me in a different way than I asked. It's like he took my pleading and tripled the blessings. 

That desperate, unanswered late night prayer...it brought me here. I am forever changed. Instead of changing her that night when I begged him to, God changed me (it was a slow change, it didn't happen overnight).

And for that, I am thankful. I just wish I had realized that Lila's diagnosis certainly wasn't the worse thing that could've happened. I wish I could go back and tell myself, it will be more than alright. 

Thank you God for teaching me in such a profound way. Thank you for Lila; just as she is, beautifully and wonderfully made. Thank you for adding some color to my life and giving me the greatest little teacher I could've ever received. Thank you God for Down syndrome and what it has taught me. Thank you for my daughters and my family. Oh yeah, and thanks for that little unanswered prayer.

......Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.  

HAM BANDIT

So, being the very organized mother that I am, I planned to make Layla a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch today. I entered the kitchen around 7:15 a.m. to prepare my daughter's lunch.

I opened the crisper in the refrigerator only to find that the entire package of ham recently purchased was GONE. I just bought it Saturday and it was GONE!

Seriously, where does a whole package (package and all) of ham go?

I asked my husband, "What happened to the package of ham that was in the fridge? Have you seen it?"

To which this was the reply, "I took it to work with me, it's in my lunchbox."

How do I reply to this? There are too many questions. Why did you take the whole package? Were you that hungry? Who needs a pound of ham? Are you feeding other people?

For time purposes, I settled on, "Where is the ham now?"

"It's still in my lunchbox, I left my lunchbox at work."

Me: "So, there will be no ham then."

Husband: "No, no ham."

The ham bandit has struck. And I am at a loss for words. Today, I'll just laugh.

And enjoy the fact that because of the ham bandit, my daughter enjoyed a nice meal at school with her daddy bringing her lunch. Happy Friday!

Priorities

Are you looking at your little girl when she shows you a flower? Or are you playing on your phone saying, "Yeah, that is nice." Are you looking when she asks if you see the moon? Or when she shows you a drawing she made. Are you listening when she babbles on about her day? Really listening?

What is your definition of success? Career? Family? A lot of money? Nice car? Every material possession you want?

My idea of sucess has changed a lot over the past several months.

I definitely think education is important. I don't think it is everything. I'm proud of my education. I'm equally proud of my hubs who chose not to go to college. I'm all about pursuing dreams.

What are your dreams? I'm a momma, so my dreams may not seem big to many of my readers. You see my dreams changed a bit when I decided to have kids (especially that second one). I do have dreams. Most of them revolve around two small chicks who live at my house. I have dreams for myself, but they are mostly of traveling and memory making. I don't wish to be famous, but Lila might make me that someday. :) Okay, when I re-read this, I wouldn't mind being famous.

I'll not rant about my dream of winning the lottery, it is low on the totem pole. But, I will say this: my kids are only little ONCE. They grow up too fast.

I feel that parents should pursue goals and dreams. It shows children by example. I also believe that some people don't get the chance to go to college until later in life, that too is understandable. Go for it when you can!

We are all entitled to our opinions. But, my cousin said it very well. She said, "I just believe that some people have it all wrong. I'm not saying you should not do things for yourself, but in five years all of my bigger children will be grown!! Five years-that is not long! I CHOSE to have these children and I believe they should come first. I just know in a few years my life will change forever. Never again will all of my children be under the same roof when I go to bed. They will be starting their own lives and I hope I can send them out into the world with the confidence they need to succeed in this world and to hopefully make a difference in someone's life! If your children spend most of their time in daycare and watching you chase after things that truly do not matter I don't think they will ever get it!!"

Preach on sister! Now, some things are absolutely worth chasing. Many things deserve our time. But, every chance I get away from work and chores and every day "must-dos"...I want to spend that time with my kids while I can. Of course, we must make time for our marriages too and keep those relationships strong.

Can children grow up with confidence if you don't spend lots of time with them? Yes. I realize some people have to work hard and provide. I also realize kids have to go to daycare and baby sitters too. I am not trying to step on anyone's toes.

I just wonder....what is your idea of success? Do I sound crazy? I know that (most) everyone loves their kids. I'm not knocking parents who are busy with jobs and school, etc. I work and spend time away from my girls because of my job.

But, I wonder....what comes first for us? Many Americans in this fast-paced climb do not take the time to see what is truly important.

Are you looking? Are you really looking? It is right in front of you.

A day will come, way too soon, when Layla doesn't want to sleep in the middle. A day will come when she won't think I'm the coolest mom in the world.

A day will come when my baby doesn't need me in a child-like way anymore. A day will come when she will be grown and gone.

Did I give her what she deserves? Did I spend my time wisely? Was I fun? Will she have good memories of this time in her life? Memories where her mom was fully present?

I wonder? What is your definition of success? Mine revolves around two chicks and the memories I make with them. It revolves around teaching them about God and love and life. It revolves around trying to show them in every possible way that I love them and cherish our time together. It also includes a man I love dearly. And our family who means the world to us. We have so many blessings. Every day I am thankful for this life and the people in it!

But, please, oh please, be sure you are looking. It will be gone way too soon.

.

Zoo trip and EASTER Pictures

We visited the zoo on the first Saturday of Spring Break. We went with our friends Joey, Sarah and Gabe. It was lots of fun!

Lila, Layla and Gabe 

 

Lila was a clown on the way home!

 

 :-)

 

 

 

Oh, and I just love our Easter pictures! Our Uncle Mike and Aunt Kathy at Hilburn Photography took them. I am so pleased!

 

 

 



World Down Syndrome Day (posted a bit late)

WDSD

Word Down Syndrome Day was March 21st. We were on Spring Break, so I didn't post. The date is highly appropriate: 3-21 for 3 copies of the 21st chromosome.

In celebration of the day, we wore our blue and yellow (the colors that represent DS awareness). We also wore crazy socks.

We ate some cake (it was leftover from Daddy's birthday, but that's okay). We played and enjoyed family time.

So, what does this day mean to us? Two years ago, it meant absolutely nothing. It is amazing how times have changed. Who would have known how much a baby could rock our world and change our lives? Not just how we live but, how we treat others, how we get involved and how we love.

 

Layla is an awesome kid. She is so sweet with little Lila. She likes to pretend to be a therapist and work with her. She likes to tell people about DS and it is so cute to watch.

She is a fantastic teacher. She teaches me from a child's view everyday. Oh, what a lovely view that is.

 

 

There are so many things I could say about DS and how it affects our every day lives. But, this is what I will say: Lila is the baby girl. She is an extremely good baby. She is into everything. She enjoys dancing, jabbering, pointing and walking (up to eight steps!). She loves mean mugging.

 

 

She brings us joy. She brings emotions out in people who I thought didn't have many. She teaches with every moment, with every milestone. She is a clown. She is a love-bug. She is a warrior princess. She is my HERO.

 

At this time last year, I was still mourning the hand that I was dealt. But, now I see (through tears as I type this) what I was really given.

 

I was given through Lila, the gift of sight. For, I now see things I would have never seen before. I see smaller things and their importance. I see how unimportant some things are (housework, laundry, society's standard of acceptance and beauty). I see the importance of loving everyone. I see the importance of teaching others to have compassion. I see the importance of stopping to smell the roses.

 

I wouldn't trade this gift and all of the extras it brings, I wouldn't trade this gift of Lila for ANYTHING.

 

Happy World Down Syndrome Day! I am PROUD to be a part of this family!

 

 

Our cousins showing some love for Lila on WDSD!  

 



Random Photographs

There is always room for some random photos...so here are a few. Happy Spring Break!

 Someone is a little too comfortable with nudity.

 



 So, how cute are they!? Ninja turtles on my girl and a pink blanket on daddy.

 

Ohhhhhh the hilarious-ness! Mean muggers!

 She is trying to walk! Sweetness!

 

Sister showing off her face-painting

Mom and Dad ran into our friend, Marty Ray, when we went to a concert. He is known as "The Beard". Y'all look out, he is well on his way to fame. :)

 

An old Buddy Walk pic of Lila with some of her friends.

 

Sisters at their photo shoot with Uncle Mike and Aunt Kathy

 

 Ohh, it is awful when she is sad, but it is so cute.

 

 

 

 



Reflecting..

We are nearly to the one year anniversary of Lila's open heart surgery. One year ago we were anxiously awaiting Spring Break. Not for the thrill of a trip or sleeping in....no. We were extremely close to a scary time and we weren't too excited about it.

Having said that, all went well. She was a warrior princess. She sailed right through surgery and went home after five nights in the hospital. LeBonheur Children's Hospital was wonderful. We are forever grateful for their care. They took excellent care of our baby and us. They also had lots of fun activities for big sister.

But, I reflect on the fear and apprehension I felt. I remember holding that sweet baby all night before her surgery. I just rocked and sang. And prayed. Oh, did I pray. Isn't it ironic how we dutifully pray in those times of weakness? If I only prayed that way every day.

The scariest feeling I have ever had was handing my baby to the nurse as she walked away with her for surgery. I hope I never have to experience that again. I am so very thankful for the beautiful healthy heart she now has.

The following photos and videos may be difficult to watch/see. Viewer discretion is advised.

 Sweet baby...

 

 Lila right after surgery...

This is just to show all of the machines and hook-ups..

 A healthy heart!

 

The warrior princess is such a trooper!

 

Big Sister Layla got to spend the night with her cousins when Lila had surgery. She enjoyed a bonfire, four wheeler riding and some playtime at the park with them. Special thanks to Jessica, James, Bo, Brody, Jamie and Bryx for keeping her occupied and happy while we were at LeBonheur.